Meet your robo-doc in a box

“Of course I’m a real doctor. Now turn your head and cough.” Source: Midjourney.

Let’s be honest: Health care in this country is in critical condition. It’s in the ICU with tubes coming out of every orifice and a little machine next to it going bleep-bleep-bleep. And if it takes AI to cure it, or at least extend its life expectancy for a few more years, who am I to say no?

That’s what a company called Forward Health is trying to do. Since 2017 they’ve been delivering subscription-based preventative care, using mobile apps, some groovy sensors, and technology-gorged offices staffed by actual physicians. Now Forward is rolling out SUV-sized mini clinics powered by AI.

Welcome to the CarePod, filled with little robo-doctors. Source: Forward Health.

For prices starting at $99 a month, you can visit any CarePod and get tested and scanned up the wazoo. Forward’s plan is to put these things in malls, gyms, and offices; 25 to start, but scaling up to more than 3,000 by the end of 2024. [1]

Personally, I would think twice before stepping into something that looks like an Airstream porta-potty combined with the TARDIS. The door slides shut and suddenly you and your poop are hurtling through multiple dimensions of time and space. That will not end well.

On the other hand: Do you really want to drive half an hour to the doctor’s office, wait 45 minutes for your name to get called, plus another 15 minutes in the examination room freezing your ass off in a paper prom dress, just to have some surly nurse jam a swab up your nose? Does that really sound better than crawling inside Toilet-TARDIS and getting robo-scanned?

Health for hipsters

The two-minute commercial Forward created is worth watching, just for how slick, futuristic, and Hollywood it is. I saw this video and I thought, wow, these guys must be rolling in VC money. [2] It looks like something you’d see in a movie about a company that claims to be curing the planet of all disease but is secretly harvesting peoples’ organs. I was totally sold.

Tech Crunch’s Matt Burns has a good description of what happens when you enter the Pod. You unlock it with the Forward app on your phone, step inside the glowing ring on the floor, then select from a menu of potential ailments you want to have scanned. Per TC:

The pod can also draw your blood, scan your skin, test you for Covid or strep, and tell you if you’ve got an STD [3]. And if after all that you still feel the need to consult with a licensed medical professional, there’s a doctor accessible via the app.

Apparently each of these pods will also have a human attendant, but not a doc. More like that old dude in the mens’ room who hands you towels and a mint after you wash your hands. [4] That’s what I’m guessing.

Doctor Doctor, give me the news

I get the feeling Forward Health is targeting a demographic somewhere between people who are still young, beautiful, and immortal, and those of us who just want to sit down and rest for a bit. (Five minutes. Is that too much to ask?)

When things really start to fall apart, there’s not much any robo-doc can do to put you back together. [5] CarePods are more like a mechanic you trust to change your oil or replace your brake pads, but not to overhaul your engine or drop in a new tranny. [6]

You might argue, and I’m sure some of you will, that a machine can’t replace the person-to-person connection of an actual human. Well, I have news for ye, me bucko. Last spring, researchers at UCSD asked ChatGPT 200 medical questions, then compared its answers to those from actual physicians. An independent panel of judges then picked the answers they found most accurate and empathetic. Eight times out of ten they picked ChatGPT’s answers.

Your doctor’s smileage may vary. (Sorry.)

Would you trade-in your GP in for a CP (CarePod)? Share your prognosis in the comments below.

[1] Of course, if Forward truly wanted to improve the health of Americans, it would put CarePods outside Cracker Barrels, KFCs, and Walmarts.

[2] Forward is funded to the tune of nearly $660M, putting the company's valuation (on paper) well north of $1 billion. Yes, it's a ‘unicorn’ – a term you almost never hear any more. Suddenly nobody wants to brag about all the money they and their companies are worth. Go figure.

[3] Forward Health declined to say how STD tests are performed. (Not that anybody’s asking.)

[4] These guys are, invariably, drenched in sickly sweet cologne. I guess if I worked in a bathroom all night I’d also be bathing in the stuff.

[5] Which leaves me out. Also, the nearest pod will be at least 90 minutes away. If there were one down the street, or at least no further than my current doctor, I’d give it a shot. It should be as least as interesting as, say, watching a Digit robot screw up my Amazon order.

[6] Not that kind of tranny.