The robots are coming, the robots are coming!

I have seen the robot revolution. And if anyone needs me, I’ll be hiding under my bed. 

Last week China hosted the World Robot Conference, and the news coming out of it wasn’t exactly heart warming for the future of humanity. No less than 27 new humanoid robots debuted at the show – AI-powered bots that can cook crepes, create calligraphy, play the dulcimer, perform calisthenics, defeat humans at chess, make tea, dance the electric boogaloo, and generally creep the living crap out of you and me. 

Some even featured molded plastic skin and pneumatic artificial muscles to make them look and act more human… sort of. 

I am not sure what was more terrifying – the animatronic bots who look like they escaped from the ‘Great Moments with Mao’ exhibit at Disneyland Shanghai [1], or the mind-controlled robot dogs.

At least these cyber canines weren’t packing AK 47s. 

That’s an actual robo-dog-soldier built by the Chinese military, by the way.  It wasn’t at the Robot Conference; it debuted earlier this year. But you get the drift. Somebody is definitely flexing here. [2]

Embracing robots with open (industrial) arms

If there’s a robotics arms race (literally and metaphorically), China is winning, and nobody else is even close. There was exactly one US robotics company at the conference: Tesla, featuring its Optimus Prime robot, encased in glass. I guess it isn’t fully self driving yet.

Here’s just how far ahead of the rest of the world China is, when it comes to the eradication of mankind production of industrial robots.

I’m not arguing that the US (or anyone else) needs to catch up to China in the race to build bots. My point is that the development of this technology is accelerating at an unbelievable rate, and it’s not likely to slow down any time soon.

Seven years ago, I was invited to come to a trade show in Shanghai and be a judge for a “robot beauty contest.” Not kidding. The dozen or so contestants were all humanoid robots that rolled around on wheels and carried serving trays. I think maybe one or two of them had articulating arms. They were kind of adorable, to be honest.

Comparing those bots to today’s models is like comparing a golf cart to a Formula One race car. But the most striking thing isn’t what these machines are now capable of, it’s the drop in the cost of producing them. Today, producing a sophisticated humanoid robot costs anywhere from $50K to $250K. In a few years that cost range will likely be $5K to $25K. 

For example, the cost of using Digit humanoid robots in Amazon warehouses may eventually drop to around $3 an hour. That sound you just heard is hundreds of thousands of hourly workers being shown the exit.

Bots the way the world ends

It’s hard to not see the future of industrial bots leading to job replacement on a massive scale. And while this has been true ever since the first labor-saving devices were introduced in the 19th century, we’ve never seen a technology shift happen this rapidly. Usually we have a decade or two to adjust and develop an infrastructure around it that employs people in new ways. [3] This is happening much faster than that.

Is this outcome guaranteed? No. Demos at trade shows are notoriously rigged. We have yet to see how these machines operate in real world settings at scale. We don’t know how reliable they are, how much they cost to maintain, how they navigate physical obstacles that are trivial to humans or – I don’t know – whether the robots will get along with each other.

I can also foresee a strong pushback coming from flesh-and-blood bipeds who a) don’t appreciate being automated out of their livelihoods, and b) are creeped out by these plastic-skin-covered freaks. The game is far from over. The bots aren’t in charge… yet.

But I would definitely steer clear of any robot dogs. Those f**kers look nasty.

What will you do when the robots take over? Share your strategies in the comments or email me: [email protected].

[1] Yes, there is a Disneyland outside of Shanghai, and no, there is no exhibit dedicated to Mao. But it does have an audio-animatronic Zootopia attraction.

[2] To be fair, the US military is also experimenting with using robo-dogs in combat, though it’s unclear whether these hounds will also be packing. 

[3] Like, robot repair technicians, for example. Or maybe therapists for robots who get depressed when their creators lock them inside glass boxes and won’t let them come out and play. Just spitballing’ here.