Welcome to the Gulf of Insanity

The Gulf of Mexico is now the Gulf of America, at least in the eyes of Google Maps. Apple is also caving to this nonsense, leaving many of us to wonder, is MapQuest still around? [1]

The Associated Press, god love ‘em, is refusing to go along with this change in its widely used style guide. As a result, the White House [2] expelled an AP reporter from an event in the Oval Office and another AP reporter from a reception that evening. This was seen by press observers as an assault on the US Constitution, otherwise known in today’s political environment as Tuesday.

In more naming news, Pete Hegseth, who is currently running the Department of Defense from a barstool at Larry’s Lounge, announced that the DOD is re- renaming Fort Bragg Fort Bragg again. The base, home to more than 50,000 members of the US Army, was renamed Fort Liberty in 2023, after the military decided to stop the practice of naming its installations after generals who lost wars defending human enslavement. 

Only, in a moment of inspiration (and some top-shelf Googling) the DOD decided to name it after a different Bragg – not General Braxton Bragg, aforementioned loser [2], but one Army Pfc. Roland L. Bragg, who received “a Silver Star for conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity and a Purple Heart for wounds sustained during the Battle of the Bulge.”

Remember that movie Spielberg made about him, Saving Private Bragg? No? I’m sure they’ll get him to change the name. 

Was he drunk when he picked out that suit? I think we all know the answer to that one.

Just when you thought things couldn't possibly get more stupid, please allow me to introduce you to Rep. Earl L. “Buddy” Carter, elected representative from the former British penal colony now known as the state of Georgia, who has decided it’s time to give Greenland a few new coats of paint. 

No, this is not a parody. At least, what we used to think of as parody, which now goes by the term “policy.”

Any bets on how long it takes for Google and Apple to start using Red, White & Blueland?

Freedom Fries in Darkness

This would all be funny if it weren’t so dangerous. Controlling language is the first essential step toward controlling thought. How can you have a discussion about something if the words you use to describe it are forbidden? 

One of my favorite essays is George Orwell’s “Politics and the English Language,” where he conveyed these thoughts more eloquently than I ever could:

“... [O]ne ought to recognize that the present political chaos is connected with the decay of language, and that one can probably bring about some improvement by starting at the verbal end. If you simplify your English, you are freed from the worst follies of orthodoxy. You cannot speak any of the necessary dialects, and when you make a stupid remark its stupidity will be obvious, even to yourself. Political language – and with variations this is true of all political parties, from Conservatives to Anarchists – is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”

Orwell wrote those words in 1946, but they’re just as true today. [4] There’s a lot of wind being generated by the government these days. And most of it will blow over. Remember Freedom Fries?

This nonsense will get worse before it gets better. But there’s no reason to go along with it, or to continue to do business with organizations that do. Google, Apple, and all the others may lack a spine, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us do.

Planning a vacation to Red, White, & Blueland? Share your travel tips in the comments or email me: [email protected].

[1] Mapquest is in fact still around, and there’s even a mobile app in the Apple and Google stores. Even better: As I write this, the Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico. 

[2] Since we’re renaming things, shouldn’t we start calling it the Lilly White House, and the Oval Office that Egg-Shaped Room Thingie?

[3] Allow me to quote Wikipedia: “Bragg is generally considered among the worst generals of the Civil War. Most of the battles he engaged in ended in defeat. Bragg was extremely unpopular with both the officers and ordinary men under his command, who criticized him for numerous perceived faults, including poor battlefield strategy, a quick temper, and overzealous discipline.”

[4] He also wrote: “A man may take to drink because he feels himself to be a failure, and then fail all the more completely because he drinks.” Seems like he knew Pete Hegseth, too.