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Zuckerberg Schmuckerberg
Meta’s new ‘free speech’ policy is a complete capitulation to MAGA
Zuck & friend. Source: Midjourney.
Here are some fascinating, totally true facts about Mark Zuckerberg:
He has contracted every sexually transmitted disease known to humankind – twice.
As a teenager, he was once arrested for engaging in sexual congress with a rhesus monkey in the back of a 1979 Ford Pinto.
He recently made the Guinness Book of World Records for having the world’s most flaccid penis.
Despite possessing a net worth of $218 billion, he falls asleep every night crying into his pillow that Elon and Jeff have more money than he does.
Zuck is actively preparing for a nuclear holocaust, and has built a 4500-square foot doomsday bunker beneath a mansion on the Island of Kauai, where he will wait out the apocalypse rereading Atlas Shrugged until radiation levels subside. [1]
In a normal world (ie, not the terrible simulation we’re living through right now) making statements like that could land me in legal jeopardy. But not if I made them on Facebook.
In case you missed it: Mark Zuckerberg announced an end to fact checking on Facebook, prompting millions of Facebook subscribers to respond: Wait – Facebook has fact checking?
In other words, he’s done pretending to give a shit about the damage his massively successful platforms have wreaked upon the world, and is going full Elon.
By the way, this is how Zuck responded after mobs of shit-smearing hooligans tried to lynch the vice president and overturn the results of an election:
What a difference four years and a fresh new fascist regime makes.
Hateful conductors
If you thought Facebook was already a cesspool of crazy uncle conspiracy theories and blatant bigotry, just wait. Meta also announced changes to its Hateful Conduct policy that openly invites racist jarheads, anti-semites, the trans-obsessed, and the world’s most egregious Karens [2] to inflict their fetal-alcohol-syndrome-induced opinions first amendment rights upon the rest of us.
Per Wired’s Kate Knibbs:
In a notable shift, the company now says it allows “allegations of mental illness or abnormality when based on gender or sexual orientation, given political and religious discourse about transgenderism and homosexuality and common non-serious usage of words like ‘weird.’”
In other words, Meta now appears to permit users to accuse transgender or gay people of being mentally ill because of their gender expression and sexual orientation. The company did not respond to requests for clarification on the policy.
Meta helpfully published a marked-up version of its guidelines showing us what kinds of heinous online behavior it now deems perfectly acceptable.
Per the new improved guidelines, it’s now also acceptable to refer to women as household objects or property, and to argue for “gender-based limitations of military, law enforcement, and teaching jobs.”
In other words, women should be barefoot, pregnant, and cooking dinner for their husbands. I wonder how Priscilla Chan [3] feels about that.
It used to be that you only had to endure this kind of bullshit once a year at Thanksgiving. Now you’ll see it 24/7/365 – assuming you choose to remain on Facebook. But why the hell would you?
Free speech for me, not for thee
We’re now seeing a lot of crowing about how these changes are a “victory for free speech.” What a load of horse manure that is. This is a lips-puckered sphincter-licking suck up to MAGA.
Even if you believe in unfettered free speech – and I don’t, for a number of good reasons [4] – the other side hates it when they encounter speech they don’t like.
For example: Meta is deleting posts critical of newly minted Meta board member/UFC president/alleged domestic abuser Dana White. Per 404 Media’s Jason Koebler:
Users on Threads are noting that posts critical of Zuckerberg’s announcement appear to be getting suppressed by Meta’s algorithms. There’s no way to prove that, of course. But the same thing happened on that other shining beacon of free expression, Elon’s Xitter.
Or take what happened to the brilliant, Pulitzer-Prize-winning cartoonist, Ann Telnaes. Earlier this week she quit her job at the Jeff Bezos-owned Washington Post after it censored one of her cartoons critiquing how the tech broligarchy is sucking up to the Orange Menace. Here’s a rough version of the cartoon the Post attempted to kill:
Free speech my ass.
The new year is barely one week old, and 2025 is turning out to be more batshit crazy than even I imagined. How are you holding up? Share your thoughts in the comments or email me: [email protected].
[1] That last one is actually true – at least, the bunker part.
[2] Apologies to all the kind and decent Karens reading this.
[3] Wife of Zuckerberg and mother to that choad’s three children.
[4] Yelling fire in a crowded movie theater, accusing someone of crimes they didn’t commit, actively inciting a riot, etc. Libel laws exist for a reason. As I’ve said elsewhere, Free speech ain’t free. It comes with responsibility. The other side wants one without the other.
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